His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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