You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
