He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
