True but thats because hes a fetus.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
