I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
