Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
