where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
