i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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