saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
