so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
