Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
