Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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