So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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