i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
