why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
