you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
