She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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