look no pants
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
