i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
