he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
