my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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