I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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