She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
