I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
