alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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