My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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