either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
