so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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