I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
