Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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