fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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