Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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