I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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