Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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