at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
