i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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