I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
