I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
