Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
