you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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