Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
