I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
