I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
