Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
