my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
