first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
