He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
