please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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