you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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