I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
