Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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